It took Sully a moment to catch on and then when he did, he had a look on his face like he was running down the street, running toward the end of something, trying to catch up.
“You can’t be Chicago,” Sully said. “Not my Chicago.”
Balliol nodded.
“I mean, I changed some facts. Like I said my real name was Robert cause I wanted to make sure your real one was Sullivan. And… I know it was probably not exactly right but… There it is.”
“Bailey...”
“You weren’t... telling me anything. And then we weren’t friends anymore, and I missed you so...”
“Wait a minute,” Sully said. “How the hell did you know? How could you—?”
“I remembered your screen name to sign onto the Internet because you never hid it from me, and I guessed your password because I’ve known you for a while. Then I could get onto your account and.... I’m going to stop talking because this makes me a criminal or really, really desperate. But I was desperate. And I was worried. I thought if you couldn’t talk to me then I had better provide a way that you could talk to me.”
“Bailey,” Sullivan said, astounded for the second time very recently at what his friend was. “Bailey,” he said again. And then he said, “Then you already know what I was going to tell you.”
“Yes.”
“You’ve known... For a long time.”
“Yeah.”
“And...”
Balliol shook his head and touched Sully’s hand.
“Was it Chris Powers?” Balliol asked. “Was he your boyfriend?”
Sully nodded.
“What happened? Or don’t you want to tell me? You just stopped bringing him up.”
“Oh, Bailey,” Sullivan said, winded. “I can’t believe all this. I can’t believe it was you all this time.”
“Are you angry?”
“I’m amazed,” Sullivan said. “I... But you asked about Chris.”
And then Sully told him about that last time. How Chris had hit him in the face and pushed him out of the house and when he was finished Balliol had forgotten about his paper or Sullivan’s secret, which wasn’t a secret anymore.
“I’ll kill him,” Balliol said decisively. “I will bring an end to him.”
“Don’t talk like that,” Sully caught his hand. “When you talk like that... you follow through. I don’t want any dead people, Bailey.”
Balliol looked completely enraged. Sully had never seen such rage. He said, “I promise you... I’m going to do something. I have to. I will.”
Sully didn’t dare say another word. He’d drawn the lightning down into Lincoln Balliol. It remained a bit longer, and then suddenly, it was as if it had passed through, as if, having made his resolution, Balliol had moved on. He said, still not looking at Sully:
“So you’re gay and Chris Powers was your first love. Is there anything else?”
“No.”
“Liar.”
Sully’s eyes lit up. He couldn’t get past Balliol. That scared him. He said, at last, “What if I’m just not ready to tell you right now.”
“I can accept that.”
Sully closed his eyes and he was in the shower again with Justin’s hands on his sides, holding his torso, kissing him up and down, the hot water beating down on his body. Pleasure throbbed like a toothache in him.
“I’m not ready yet,” Sully said simply.
Balliol nodded.
Tommy was watching Addison who was watching Mason who was watching, neither one of them could tell, and Balliol was watching Sully, who had been watching someone, but Balliol couldn’t tell. Sully said, “I need to get up for a second. I gotta go check something out.” And then he waded his way through the cafeteria and out into the main hallway where Justin Reily had ducked behind a door.
“Hi,” Justin said.
What else was he supposed to say? Sully said, “Hi,” back to him. This was weird. This was awkward. Sully hadn’t been back to the pool and he was sort of counting on not seeing Justin again. He’d never really seen him before outside of the pool area.
“What are you doing right now?” Justin asked. He had a very nasal, a very... gay voice. Sully wondered if he had one too.
“Eating lunch.”
“Can you not eat lunch for about ten minutes?” Justin asked him.
Mason finally got up from his table and came to the table where Chris, Matt, Hardesty and half of what was the football team during the fall sat. He knew them, but it was weird. Worlds colliding and everything.
“Is it just me?” said Mason, “or have you been looking at me for the last ten minutes?”
“I’ve been trying to get your attention,” Chris said.
“ESP?”
Matt chuckled beside Mason and popped a Dorito into his mouth.
“I wanted to know,” Chris ignored this. “If... You know how the seniors have to give something precious to the juniors. The passing ceremony.”
“Um hum. Do you want me to talk to Sully or something—”
Matt snorted and Chris turned on him.
“What?” Mason said.
Not even paying attention to Chris’s temper, Matt said, “They don’t talk anymore, Mason. Chris wanted to know if you would do it?”
“Me?” Mason looked confused.
“Well, yeah. We grew up together and everything.”
“And I’m the only junior you know,” Mason said baldly.
“That’s not true,” Chris’s voice was defensive.
“I’d just like it to be you. I think it should be. Even if we don’t hang out like when we were kids. I don’t know why it happened that way, but I’d still like it to be you. If you want to.”
“I’d be glad to,” Mason told him.
Matt Mercurio ate his last chip, packed up his trash and said, “I gotta run to the library before Advanced French. Advanced French! I’ll be glad to get out of that!”
He was off and out the cafeteria, coming down the hall when one of the closet doors opened, and confused looking, Sully Reardon came out.
“Hey, Sully!” Matt said.
Sully started and slammed the door shut. Matt thought he’d heard a yell or something and then Sully said, loudly, “Hey Matt!”
“Sully, you all right?”
“Better than ever!” Sully steered Matt out of the hallway and into the back lobby where the stairwell went up to the main floor.
“You look....”
“Huh?” Sully grinned.
“You look fucked up.”
“I’m not fucked up,” Sully said, his voice still too high and bright.
“Yes you are,” Matt said. “I don’t mean with drugs but... Something’s wrong with you, Sully.”
“Nothing’s wrong!” Sully snapped suddenly. Matt’s eyes flew open.
“I mean, just... Everybody’s so fucking concerned about Sully. This is an all boy’s school, Why do I have fifteen thousand moms?”
“Sorry,” Matt said. “I just worry about my friends. All two of them,” he added with a chuckle.
“Matt Mercurio has two friends?”
“Two real ones. Maybe three. You and Chris, definitely. It’s none of my business, but—”
And then the way Sully looked at him said it really wasn’t.
Matt sighed and spread his hands out. “Well, okay. But, can I say something?”
“Yes,” Sully said tiredly. And then, “Yes, of course you can. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be so... You’re right. I’ve only got about two friends too and you’re one of them so... say it.”
“I can’t say it to Chris, Sully. But I’ll say it to you and then I’m off. I’m late already. But, I know why you and Chris stopped hanging out. He was happy for the first time. And real. Real with everyone. I don’t think I was really ever his friend until you became his friend. I know... I know he loved you. I know what it was. And it doesn’t matter to me. I think... I sort of always knew that about Chris. He never really connected to a girl. Like I did with my girlfriend. But he connected to you. We all knew what it was. We never said it, but we knew. And... if it happened again, if you all are ever friends again, well then, I’m on your side. I don’t care what anyone says at this school or at church or… anywhere. I’m on you guyses side.”
Matt shrugged and touched Sully on the shoulder, and then jogged up the stairs, leaving Sullivan Reardon dazed.
There was a knock on Mason’s door that afternoon. Addison was going to be at the gas station and then with that Bonnie girl and Tommy was doing something with his mother. Balliol had been wrangled for choir practice at Saint George’s, so it couldn’t be one of his friends. He could smell the cigarette smoke from his father’s studio so Sidney was in his zone which left Mason to get the door and while he was contemplating the unfairness of this, he opened the door, fixed a smile on his face and.…
Sullivan Reardon barged in.
“Fuck this!” Sullivan declared.
Mason’s eyes widened.
The taller boy said, “Listen! I’m sick of... bullshit. There’s just been too much going on this year for bullshit, and what this means is we need to have a talk now.”