They sat on the porch steps side by side saying nothing and then suddenly, they could hear, “
“Oh, God! Oh, shit! Shit! Shit! Philip!”
Sully turned around for just a brief second. He wished that Tommy wasn’t his friend so that he could just sit here and watch. Sure in the shit, Philip was fucking this chick on his sofa and, presumably, Tommy’s mother was getting fucked by the big fat buy in the back of the house.
Instead of looking, Sully pretended he wasn’t concerned and said, “Why don’t we get in your truck and talk?”
Tommy nodded and when they had, Sully said, “I’m sorry, Tommy. I came because… I just wanted to see you. I should have called or something. I didn’t mean to...”
He stopped. Sully didn’t know what else to say. At least he didn’t know what else to say that could beat around the bush.
“I knew... when I came into the house, and when I saw your face, that you didn’t want anyone to see this. I... I’ve been embarrassed by my family too.”
Tommy nodded, and then he said, “But you came to see me.”
“Yes.”
He smiled a little.
“I’m glad you know…” Tommy said. “What they’re like. If we’re friends we shouldn’t keep secrets. They’ve always been mine. I mean Mason and Addison know. How could they not? But... they don’t come around here. Heck, I try not to be around here too much.”
Tommy took a deep sigh and said, “Just next year and then I’m free. I’m getting out of here. I’m getting out of Monclova Terrace.”
But Sully was still thinking of the look on Tommy’s face when Sully had seen them. This was always going to be between them. Tommy knew Sully’s mother was nothing like his mother. Tommy knew Sully’s house was nothing like this. His life was paradise. He couldn’t really give Tommy back his dignity. He couldn’t stop himself from seeing into Tommy the way he had. He hadn’t meant to violate him, to embarrass him, but... he could make an exchange.
“I need to get you home,” Tommy said. “I can’t believe you walked all this way. It’s late. This isn’t safe. You really shouldn’t do this again.”
“Tommy, I gotta tell you something.”
Tommy looked at him seriously.
“I’m gay, Tommy.”
Tommy blinked and then he turned away form Sully. His fingertips were drumming the steering wheel and he said, quietly, “Yeah... I think I kind of knew that.”
“That night, that night when you guys came and got me, and I was crying in the bathroom and ... you were there for me. That was the night... Chris Powers and I were... well that was the night he broke things off with me. God, this is weird to be telling you this.”
Tommy didn’t say anything.
Then he said, “Was that Chris who called today?”
“No,” Sully said. And he thought: might as well go on tell everything. “It was Justin Riley.”
“Is he your... boyfriend?” Tommy said, trying the word out.
“No,” Sully said. “But... I do things with him.”
Before Sully could explain, Tommy said, “The way Addison does things with Bonnie.”
“Yes,” Sully said precisely. “Only... I know it isn’t love.”
Tommy grinned at this, wiser than Sully expected him to be.
“I’m not telling you this because it makes me proud,” Sully said. “In fact, I don’t know how it makes me feel. Confused mostly. And, if it’s all the same I don’t want to talk about it again. I don’t even want to think about it but I thought: I saw into you tonight, something you don’t want people to know. And I thought: what don’t I want people to know, what would you see if you looked really deep? And I thought, you’d see the fact that I’m sneaking off doing stuff with Justin. That’s my secret, all right? Look at me. Look me in the face and see it. And then let’s just drop it.”
Tommy turned around and looked at Sully.
Even though he’d said, “Drop it,” he waited for Tommy to say something. Anything.
At last he said, “Does Justin know you don’t love him?”
Sully nodded.
Tommy still stared into him.
“I don’t think you know who you are yet,” Tommy said. “I think... you’re one of those people who doesn’t know what they are. I think... no matter what Justin says he probably hopes you love him.”
That wasn’t what Sully expected. What he expected was for Tommy to be shocked, or to condemn him and ask him why he was doing the things he was doing with someone he didn’t care for. He realized he needed someone to stand up and accuse him, at least so he could justify it all to himself. Or maybe stop himself from doing it again because Sully knew he’d do it tomorrow and the day after that and the day after.
Instead, Tommy just started up the ignition and said, smiling sadly at Sully.
“Poor Justin.”